Hmmm...Suspicious!

So I just stopped and looked through what I've eaten this week while following some new guidelines. Granted, I do think i've made a more conscious effort to eat more protein and less carbohydrates and sodium this week.

But when I stopped today to count POINTS like I would normally, I am eating more than i would have on Weight Watchers.

I'm a little nervous that Monday i'm going to see a gain on the scale from it. I don't feel like I'm stuffing myself by any means, i'm just not confident yet in the differences and I'm wondering if i'm going to see results from this? I ate out yesterday and had two beers last night and still came in under the range I am given.

It's so foreign to me to have a "range" to keep my calories, fat, protein, carbs, etc IN. The range seems broad. I guess we'll just have to see how it works out!

What I Love About Today!

In an effort to be totally positive today, I invite you to join me in making a list about what's really good about today!

1. The days are getting LONGER!
2. The sun is out!
3. I got free passes to see "The Other Boleyn Girl" for tonight and we are going!
4. I'm going out to lunch with coworkers (we don't do this too often) for greek food!
5. My husband is the sweetest man I know, even when I'm crabby in the morning!
6. I had a really good committee meeting last night for my professional organization and it's got me really pumped about things we have planned!
7. Tomorrow is FRIDAY!

Spark Day Two!

I am happy to say that day two following Spark is going really well. It's an adjustment coming from Weight Watchers, because they give you a RANGE of values to aim within. But it's making me more aware of what i'm putting in my mouth. And hey - whatever it takes, right?

I've never been so aware of all the sodium and carbohydrates i'm consuming. Or the lack of protein for that matter. I think this will teach me a more healthful way of planning meals and making choices.

I've had a really bad couple of days emotionally because of work. I'm just very frustrated. I wake up in the morning and wish it was Saturday every morning. I hate wishing my life away!

I had a phone conversation with a friend last night who recently had a baby, and is trying to lose weight as well. It started out well, but I got pretty miffed when she started demanding reasons why I don't have a child or i'm not trying to get pregnant. I love her to death, but sometime's I just want to tell people who ask me those questions that it's none of their damn business!

The democratic presidential debates were on last night as well in Cleveland. I thought that might lift my spirits a bit (I enjoy keeping up with politics most of the time). It really just made me think that I might take my cousin Mike's idea of writing in Frank Zappa for the primaries! Or better yet - Stephen Colbert!

Today we had an ice cream social at work and I did really well. I brought a banana and ate that instead. When I saw the nutrition facts on the side of that half gallon of Graeter's it made mem think twice. I haven't snacked at ALL today either. I've listened to my body and drank lots of water and I really haven't been hungry! I'm proud of myself for that!

Switcheroo

After a bit of investigation, I've decided to switch plans to see how that keeps me on task with my meal planning. I'm trying out Spark People for a few weeks to help me track and journal my eating. I'll be counting carbs, calories and fat instead of points, and I really think it will help me get a better grip on what i'm putting in my body. Especially with the carbs - I am a carb fanatic!

Chris and I are going out for Mexican with friends on Saturday night, which is the first potential problem I see - we'll see how it works out with me counting what goes in my mouth.

A guy I was friends with in college is one of the big wigs over there at Spark (they're just a couple of miles from my office!), and I know he's lost a significant amount of weight on their program. Why not try it out! :)

Wow. I'm STILL tired.

I really thought that after this weekend I'd be ready for the gym. Maybe I overdid it this weekend. Maybe I'm just not ready.

Either way, I can't bring myself to go tonight. I'm WIPED OUT.

I WILL go tomorrow though. I'm going to plan my meals better for tomorrow, too. It was hard getting back into that mentality today. I shouldn't have planned a lunch outing on my first day back to really watching it and reducing my points intake by two!

I probably only went over by 3 points today, which is not awful. I am getting there!

I did cheat and get on the scale anyhow this morning, and my weight (surprisingly) had stayed the same as last week. I am VERY happy about that.

This flu and bronchitis thing I'm still getting over? I'm so sick of it. I want it to be over.
And that plan I had two weeks ago to do something for myself went by the wayside. I need to make a gameplan for this week. For tonight though - I'm going to lay down. I can almost bet I'll be asleep by 9pm for the night!

Be back tomorrow!

I decided that while I was battling my sickness (and I still am just a little), i'd lay off the blog posting. My appetite is officially back, and I need to get myself back into some good eating habits again. I've decided against weighing in Monday, because this weekend includes alot of out of town guests, eating out, and I haven't been to the gym in two weeks. I am hoping to go back tomorrow.

With several friends visiting this weekend my eating has been off. Mexican food yesterday. Two (yes, tw0) donuts for breakfast this morning. A few beers and chips in there, too. My body is hating me for it today, too. I'm sluggish. And I KNOW now that most of my gastro issues are due to poor eating choices, because my stomach really hasn't bothered me much since Christmas...until today!

Stay tuned for more on Monday when I return to the momentum I had! My cough is almost gone, and I'm looking forward to a grand return to the gym.

Week Seven

Week seven weigh in was this morning, and I knew I'd have a loss because of being sick (today is day 8....this virus really has knocked me on my ass). I did get my appetite back on Thursday of last week though, and I wasn't watching it too heavily.

I have a three pound loss for this past week. Now i've just got to concentrate on maintaining that through next week. Ten pounds total lost.

I also have to adjust my points intake this week from 26 to 24 based on this loss. I'm only 8 pounds from the weight I was this summer when I lost 20 pounds and was starting to feel pretty good. I'm 24 pounds from my wedding weight, which is my first big goal. I'm gonna keep on truckin'!

Getting back into eating...

This is truly strange for me, but I haven't had an appetite in over three days because of being under the weather. I did get to the doctor last night, and have a double whammy: flu AND bronchitis.

I stepped on the scale this morning out of curiosity to see what my weight might be, because i've basically been on a liquid diet since Monday. I've lost 7 pounds since Monday. SEVEN. And i'm not proud of that.

Anyway, I still just don't have an appetite. Nothing sounds good, even though i'm feeling a lot better today. I know it will come back - but I MISS eating. And part of me is scared to start eating again, for fear that i'll be sick to my stomach all over again.

Sounds like a romantic Valentine's Day is on the horizon for me, eh?

Aren't we a pair?

Well it seems (at least according to my doctor) that I have the flu. This really sucks! Chris is definitely coming down with it as well as he has developed a fever and all of the other symptoms I have suffered. 1000 milligrams of extra strength tylenol is the only thing that's helping me feel semi-human right now.

What's worse is that i'm really pushing myself to be prepared to go into work tomorrow. I know that I shouldn't, but i'm going to be SO behind if I don't. A day and a half is already more than I can afford to lose, timewise. I could do some stuff from home tonight but my eyes are burning and my muscles are too achy for me to concentrate. Maybe I can work from home tomorrow.

The diet is going by the wayside for now. I haven't had an appetite, although Chris was kind of force feeding me earlier. He made me a grilled cheese - which tasted good, but only caused me to cough more. So i've been drinking my calories today on Juicy Juice.

Oh I HATE being sick. Better this week than next, though, when we are anticipating visitors!

Oh No!

I was feeling pretty worn out yesterday, and I just assumed that it was due to stress from the previous week, and the bitter bitter cold weather outside.

This morning I woke up feeling congested. Which isn't out of the ordinary for me with weather changes.

As the day progressed I started coughing - and it kept getting worse. My nose started running. My ears are popping. I'm definitely coming down with a cold.

I left work around 1:30 today and took a two hour nap. Right now, i'm trying to catch up on some work so tomorrow won't be so bad, but i'm tiring after just about an hour and a half.

I was just online doing some research - is it okay to exercise during a cold? A lot of what i've read is telling me the best thing I can do is take it easy. And i'm NOT okay with that. I wanted to go back to the gym tonight!

For now I guess the best thing I can do is drink lots of water and get lots of rest. And I think that's just what i'm going to do for the rest of tonight!

Week Six Update

After a gain last week, I was hoping to see a loss on the scale this week. And I did. Only one pound, but I'll take it!

Here's a recap of my habits this week:

Things I did well:
I worked out four times this week (yay me!)
I drank LOTS of water
I got lots of sleep
I planned my meals well, for the most part.

Things that probably held me back:
Chris and I ate out Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights.
Friday and Saturday nights were tricky - Friday we went out with my parents (their choice) to an AWFUL place, where I ordered a salad with grilled chicken. The chicken was good, but the salad was nasty, and I wound up eating about half a plate of my Dad's fries with the chicken.
Saturday we went to an awards dinner and I didn't make the best choices. It started out well with some pasta and veggies, and I wound up eating two eggrolls along with it. I completely regretted it afterwards. I could feel the grease just sitting in my stomach.

Today begins a new week though! I've got my hopes high for more success. I just have to watch myself with lunches out twice this week, and dinner (and probably breakfast and lunch the next day) out with girlfriends in Columbus on Friday/Saturday. I'm hoping to get my act together Thursday night to cut up some fruit and bring fruit, yogurt and granola to share for breakfast - I'll look like a thoughtful and organized person, but my motive will be for my own health - I don't think there's anything wrong with that!

What working toward physical health has done for my mental health

A few months ago, I made the decision to talk to my primary care physician about referring me to a therapist of some sort to deal with some of the anxiety I had been experiencing. I have always been somewhat of an anxious person, but in the last year I have noticed a change. I was having a lot of trouble sleeping. I was waking up after just a few hours of sleep having what I can only assume are panic attacks about work, about finances, about my insecurities, about an argument Chris and I may have had that day. My eating was really bad, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to find an ounce of will-power inside of me. I was tired ALL THE TIME. Most nights, I came home from work most nights with every intention of going to the gym and being productive, and most nights I would make some dinner (as quick and tasty as possible), and spend the rest of my night laying in bed watching TV, with the occasional trip to the computer to check email, read blogs or news. I realized after Thanksgiving that I needed to do something about it.

Alot of things in my life have contributed to this change in my anxiety levels. And without going into too much detail, at the risk of being found by someone I don't want to read this, a lot of things had changed in my life. My job had changed a lot. We had a lot of management changes, structural changes, and my boss resigned. All in the midst of the biggest and most stressful project I've ever worked on. I joined the board of the professional organization for which I belong. I began volunteering one night a week serving dinner to Cincinnati's homeless. And on top of it all, Chris was working even MORE as his deadlines had changed, and he was taking a very intense class.

In summary, I was just doing too much for everyone else, and not doing much of anything for myself.

I went to see my physician one night in December, after talking to a couple of friends about therapy. I wasn't sure where to start. I know that ADD, depression and anxiety-prone behavior are dominant on both sides of my family. It was a scary and completely raw emotional feeling for me. I wound up bawling in my doctor's office, telling him that I just wanted to talk to someone about healthier ways of dealing with stress and learning to let go of things that upset me. And then I felt completely stupid for having the breakdown. But that was exactly what I needed someone else to see, because I was becoming completely irrational - at least to myself, and I couldn't control my emotions in simple acts like explaining my feelings to someone.

I made a call to the therapist who he recommended. She called back and informed me that she doesn't accept any kind of insurance, and went over her prices with me, and offered to find another therapist for me that would take my insurance. I told her I'd think it over and call her back.

The holidays came and went. Life got busier, and I just put it off. Over Christmas I ate so poorly that I was sick from overconsumption. I hated myself for it, too. I was absolutely disgusted with myself. And that's when I decided I had to get serious, and find the will to take the time for myself to eat better, to exercise and to listen to my own body. A novel concept, right?

It's amazing to me what a difference treating myself with the respect that I treat everyone else around me has made. I have confidence again. I have energy. My emotions are in check. My husband isn't afraid to joke around with me or pay me a compliment in fear of upsetting me about something unexpectedly or that I might skew his comment. I'm sleeping so much better. I have a sense of humor again!

I was thinking about this today as I was at the gym, rocking the arc trainer. I have worked myself up to 25 minutes on the machine this week. When I tried it out last Thursday, I did 8 minutes on it, and thought I was going to die. I was enjoying my workout for the first time in a really long time. Chris tried really hard to tempt me to stay home today - it was REALLY cold outside - and he was content with hibernating all day. But I went because I wanted to go. And *I* was the one with all the energy.

And yes, i'm rambling. But I just want to share here that I just feel like i'm back. And back to stay. I wanted to write these thoughts to look back on when I'm having a day that reminds me of the last several months before I began working so hard on myself.

On tap for this week to do for myself:
A girls' night in Columbus on Friday.
A show on Wednesday night (hopefully it's not sold out already).
Lunch out (eating outside of my office with someone other than coworkers is HUGE for me) with my friend Sarah
Reading a new book - I haven't read in ages!

Gearing up for a good habit weekend!

I've been pretty ON this week with my eating, I am proud to report. I have eaten out a few times, but i've made wise choices. With the exception of Tuesday, when I consumed an entire roll of sushi (Oh, how I love the Green Papaya Roll!), which I'm sure exceeded the 300 calories I had left for that meal. I've been to the gym only twice, but I've worked VERY hard, and needed the days in between to recover from sore muscles.

I've been really hungry all the time, too, and i'm chalking that up to burning calories faster. I've made good choices with my snacks. I've had high-protein snacks to satifsy those cravings, and I've been planning meals efficiently as well.

This weekend i'll most definitely be at the gym Saturday and Sunday.

I'm praying that I can recoup a loss from the gain last week! Good luck to all!

A Little Retail Therapy

I'm in the weird stage with my clothes where alot of them are getting loose on me, but the next size down is a bit tight, still. I've been feeling a little bummed out about it. Last night I decided to stop into my favorite shoe store in Cincinnati, Shoetopia. They were having their winter shoe sale, so I totally made out. And they are awesome. My friend Chrissy said she was going to mug me for my shoes last night!

Check 'em out:










And the best part was that I paid $30 TOTAL for these shoes.

Seriously?

Well first of all, I rocked the gym tonight. I tried out a new machine tonight. It was a cross training machine, but also like an elliptical, but the elevation changed. I'm not sure what the industry term was for it. I lasted 10 minutes on it, but it's the hardest 10 minutes i've worked out in a month! Of course, I spent my usual 30 on the elliptical and did lower body weights for 20 minutes.

Back to the point of this blog entry: there was a woman on a machine next to me talking on her cell phone. She must have felt me glaring at her. I couldn't help but be resentful of her. She's working out, talking about how to get her kids to daycare tomorrow and gabbing away with god knows who. And I just wanted to say "This is MY time. Please don't annoy me with your drama and your loud voice!"

I did good on food today. Just about 100 calories over my daily limit, but the gym definitely makes up for it. For now, i'm going to spend some time reading a new book and try to stay awake just a little while longer.

Apparently, the number two is my favorite - Week 5

Since I began this weight loss journey early in January, I have consistently taken off two pounds each week and been very proud.

This week the number I saw was also a difference of two pounds. But it was two pounds in the wrong direction. I'm upset about it, sure. But I know exactly what I did to put those pounds on, and I HAVE to work harder this week at planning better, and exercising more.

Here's a quick rundown:
•I didn't drink enough water - instead, i drank a lot of pop.
• I didn't fare so well at parties on Saturday or Sunday nights with food.
• I didn't work out at all this weekend, and usually I do at least twice
• I had a massive chocolate craving, and i found Chris' secret stash and totally binged.


Goals for this week:
• Drink more water (i'm on 20 oz today already).
• Make good choices when I eat out (so far this week, it looks like i have two work commitments out for lunch, I ran out this morning without packing anything, so I will have to seek something out on my own, and my friend Datina just invited me out for thai/sushi tomorrow night.
• Workout at least 4 times, but aim for 5, and work in some Pilates this week on days I don't go to the gym.
• Shop/plan better for the week so I can tackle those cravings with more strategy.

I WILL get back on track, and not sweat this. It happens. I have several things at home to make for meals to really get myself motivated this week.

Hope you all had better weigh-ins than me!

Oops!

Well I had a tricky day of eating yesterday. I really did set out to moderate well, and it just didn't end up that way. Chris and I were entertaining a crew from his office last night in celebration of his boss' promotion, and a farewell for him, as he moves to a new office. It was really fun.

I didn't make it to the gym yesterday (and hadn't planned to, either), because we got up at 8am, and started getting the house ready with a good deep cleaning. God it feels so nice and clean in here right now! I made some food. I let Chris suggest the menu, since it was his party. So I made skyline dip (it's a Cincinnati thing - Cream Cheese, Skyline Chili and Cheddar cheese warmed and served with tortilla chips), pizza bread with mozzarella, romano, pepperoni, baby portobella mushrooms, red pepper and green onion; chex mix, and a caramel apple dip with apples.

His coworker, Amanda, brought a fruit try and a veggie tray, as well as saugage-cheese balls. And of course, lots of beverages of the alcoholic variety.

Yesterday just happened to be a day that my gastro issues got the best of me. And I felt really bad all day. I did eat, but every time I did, it made me feel worse. By the time our guests started to arrive, I had gotten the chance to lay down for a bit, and I was feeling MUCH better. And at that point i was starving. So i can't say that I "counted" a thing yesterday, so I'm not sure where that's going to put me when i weigh in tomorrow. I had a piece of the pizza bread, two sausage-cheese balls, veggies, fruit, a little apple dip, two chocolate chip cookies (oh boy, were they yum!), two glasses of wine, and a beer.

I'm not going to sweat it though. I had a night where I just didn't worry about it too much. I'm going to get back on the horse and go to the gym today. And I'm going to try really hard tonight to portion myself at the superbowl party we're attending. I know I can have a blast and just stay away from the food!

When something feels different

A small win for me occurred this morning, and I had to share.

So I have this really gorgeous silk sweater set from Ann Taylor (size XL) that was handed down to me from a neighbor who claims it was "too big in the shoulders" for her. So yeah, she gave me her fat clothes, but whatever. It's really pretty, really comfortable, and it was more money than I would have spent on it, i'm sure.

I decided to wear it to work today. It's never been uncomfortable to wear. It's got quite a bit of give to it. But this morning, I put the shell of it on, and it felt different. It's the first article of clothing I have put on where I've felt a difference this month.

What a GOOD feeling. And what good motivation to keep going!

I'm planning to try on the Old Navy jeans later tonight that I bought after Christmas. I didn't try them on because they were a different color, but the same size and cut as a pair I bought after Thanksgiving that were fitting me perfectly. So I walked in there, saw a sale on jeans, and picked out size 16 in "the sweetheart" cut and took them home.

Well these puppies were SKIN tight on me on December 27th. And instead of taking them back, I made a vow to get into them. I think i'm going to try them on later tonight and see where i'm at. In other news, I AM noticing a difference today, also, in the size 16 grey slacks I bought the same night I bought those jeans. So different, in fact, that in another month, I may need to buy new pants altogether!