I'm exhausted!!

I haven't worked out since Sunday. And today i'm feeling the effects of that. I've been SO tired all day. It's amazing what exercise does for you.

I'm sure working like I have the last three days is not helping in the least (in at 7:30, work nonstop till 6, up until midnight doing around the house stuff). Thank goodness tomorrow is Thursday!

I realized on my way home today that I haven't done a very good job of pre-planning meals to take to work this week. I'm going to make a tuna salad and green salad tonight for both of us to pack tomorrow. Friday I have plans to go out for lunch (location tbd) with a friend from work, and out to dinner at Benihana for dinner before I go to see Wicked with my friend Danielle.

I can do this though, right? No fried rice, just plain brown or white. Chicken and shrimp, hibachi style shouldn't be too fatty - at least I think! I guess alot is riding on that lunch, too. Hello big salad!?

Working out tonight and tomorrow will get me through and keep me motivated!! I'm actually looking forward to it.

But for now...a power nap!

The Lasagna

Holy cow was it awesome. I lightened the recipe significantly with light cream cheese, 1% milk, and part skim mozzarella.

It's my new favorite dish. I can't wait to make it all over again!

Rejection Letter Two Came Today.

Ugh. I feel like a loser!

Gym, here I come!

(updated 9:32pm)
So sorry to all of you for the bummer post. I didn't make it to the gym afterall. We're in the middle of a nasty storm. I burned plenty of calories cleaning though. I cleaned the entire fridge, inside and out, did some laundry, and swiffered all the hardwood. And I made *the* most amazing asparagus lasagne for dinner. Holy wow. I can't wait for the leftovers tomorrow.

Hooray for turning what could have been a mopey night into something productive!

Scratch that - Week 4

The moment came this morning. I stepped on the scale with a wince in my eyes to find another two pound loss this week! That's 8 pounds in four weeks.

Thank God for small favors. What a great pick me up. It motivates me even more to stay on track this week.

My goal for this week is to find a way to change up my workout a bit. I find myself very very bored when I go to the gym. I listen to good music, but I have trouble reading, because i find that it slows me down on the cardio machines. I think maybe I need to incorporate a class or try a new machine to help with the boredom.

Dreading Tomorrow

It's time for weigh in tomorrow morning. Week four. I have a sinking feeling that I'll see the same weight as last week. It's been a hard week overall for me.

My workouts have been shorter every time (about 30 mins on the elliptical and alternating upper and lower body weights), even though i've been four times this week. I've had so much going on. But the shorter workouts are better than none at all, right?

I've been snacking too much. And I think it's emotional more than anything. Two nights this week i've skipped dinner and just snacked through the evening. I haven't eaten enough vegetables.

I don't mean to make this sound like a down on myself post. It's not.

I know that I need to start a new week tomorrow, and I need to use this week as motivation for working harder, planning better, and making more time for myself to do so. I am SO driven to do this, REALLY do this.

I stocked the fridge today with lots of foods to make healthy meals all week. Lots of veggies. Lots of good good proteins. Tonight I made a KILLER black bean lasagna for my aunt and uncle's family - and i'm going to make another for us. It's just the kind of thing I need to be doing. My only after work commitment this week is watching my neighbor's baby for a couple of hours tomorrow night. I plan to use the time to cook and plan for a good health week!! (and just pray I get through that Superbowl party, and the party we're having at our house on Saturday relatively okay!).

A New 'Do!

My sister in law asked me to come to her salon to model for their newest brochure. She wanted to cut, color and straighten my hair and do before and after photos. Here's the iSight photo I just took. I'm quite happy with it!



It was just the pick me up I needed! I know it's only six pounds, but I am seeing the weight coming off of my face, which is very good!!

This is also the cut I've been trying to get for a good year. Somehow my hair dresser (whom I love) never seems to angle it as drastically as I'd like. Jennifer hit the nail on the head. And I LOVE the color. It's got a rich red tint to it in the sunlight.

Sometimes a little pampering is all I need to make my outlook better! I need to remember this!

It's gorgeous outside today. Sunny and 45. Which is gorgeous in comparison to the weather we've been having. I'm going to go convince Chris to drop what he's doing so we can walk the dog and enjoy the daylight that's left!

Feeling Down Today

I got a rejection letter in the mail yesterday for an opportunity I had really been hopeful and excited for. It's really got me very down on myself and down on the world today.

I can't help it. Nobody likes being rejected.

I'm going to head to the gym anyway. My crampy, tired body would rather lay in bed watching TV, but I need to direct my emotions into something else. So I'm going to give it a shot!

My Reasons for Getting Healthy

Thanks Krissie, for the idea - i'm lifting it from you!

1. I want to have more energy.
2. I want my stress levels to go down, and I want to teach myself to let go of my stress in healthier ways than eating and laying around.
3. I want to have a baby in the next couple of years, and i'm certain that getting in healthier habits now will only benefit my child during pregnancy and through life.
4. I want to help improve Chris' health habits through my own and continue to receive clean bills of health from his biannual CT scans.
5. I want to go to an independently owned boutique store and try on the cute dress in the window - and look good in it. Nevermind that they don't usually come in my size now!
6. I want to play on a recreational soccer team, and I'm too embarrassed right now to run around doing that.
7. I want to look at a photo of myself and NOT be worried about how fat I look. 3 years ago, I thought i looked great in photos. That was 25 pounds lighter than I am now!
8. I want to feel proud of myself for my hard work and determination!

Temptation Week!

It's no surprise to most women to hear from another that when PMS hits, so do food cravings. This week has been hard. I've done pretty well so far. Monday, wasn't the best day, mainly because I skipped dinner and snacked on a WW ice cream sandwich, crackers and cheese. I was craving chocolate and salt. Sound familiar to anyone?

As I've gotten older, this stuff has gotten worse. The cravings and mood swings have gotten stronger, and I keep hoping that as I lose weight, these things will fade somewhat. I hope my wishes aren't disillusioned though.

Last night I resisted beer at the bar, and food, too. I SO badly wanted to order some deep fried pickles. I've never tried these before. Last night it just sounded good. But I resisted. Sometimes it just seems so easy to give up.

Today - I indulged in one piece of Russell Stover Chocolate. Big Whoop. It's 6pm and I still have 11 points left for dinner. Dinner's going to be at a bar for a meeting - but I can safely order a veggie burger or a salad and a diet coke and do just fine.

The point is, temptation is where I always fall short in my struggle to get healthy. I do well for a few weeks, and my hormones get in the way. I'm an emotional eater sometimes. Sometimes I eat because I'm bored. Sometimes I just eat because I happen to like food.

But so far, i'm making good choices, and I need to realize that one bad choice once in awhile is no excuse to give up. I'm doing good. I'm getting stronger. Chris has mentioned twice this week how much more energy I seem to have already.

I just need to keep on going!

Week 3!

It's been a solid three weeks overall. Today when I stepped back on the scale, I was delighted to see a two pound loss. Six pounds total.

YAY ME!

I know the working out is really helping. Today I am so sore, that i'm debating on taking the day off from working out, but I may go and at least do my cardio. I won't get to the gym Tuesday or Wednesday because of after work commitments for my professional organization.

This week is bound to be better than last. I'm SO proud of myself for not giving into stress eating. I focused that stress into gym time and took out my aggressions that way. It's amazing how I feel so different just sitting here. I'm breathing easier, and I feel strong and energetic.

I love surprises. Especially when they come from myself!

updating

i've been playing around with the templates tonight. i'm still not feeling it though. oh if only i wasn't cursed with design snobbery sometimes.  :)

we hit up two parties tonight. i did pretty well food-wise. i resisted all food at the first party, and just had a beer. when we got to the second party at 10:30, i was pretty hungry, since we had pizza for dinner, and i had two small pieces, trying to eat in moderation. I did okay though. I had a handful of carrots, some pineapple, about 4 tortilla chips with reuben or artichoke dip on them, and one glass of wine.

i had a pretty solid workout today though, and i'm planning to go back tomorrow morning. it feels goooooood to work my way up on those machines. i'm up to 40 mins at level 4 on the elliptical machines, and just increased my upper body weights to 50lbs per machine. Tomorrow i'm going for 50 minutes on the elliptical, lower body weights, and pilates tomorrow night at home.

I'm really beginning to value my workouts as "me" time. It's my time alone with good music and my own thoughts to sort out things, or just daydream a little.

I cheated today and stepped on the scale, fully clothed this morning with slippers on. i was at the same weight as last Monday. I'm pretty sure i'll at least see a one or two pound loss this week, and any loss is good with me!

I also have Monday off for MLK day. I'm really looking forward to the afternoon to spend time at the gym when i suspect it will be at its' slowest.

Krissie's Survey!

The "I LOVE ME" List

1. What do you absolutely love about your body? I think I have a lot of nice features, actually. But I do think I have a very pretty face.

2. When did you surprise yourself with your physical strength? I'm not sure I have gotten there yet, but I am definitely starting to feel the impact of my gym time.

3. When were you braver than you ever thought you could be? When I started looking for a new job recently. My "dream job" is no longer that, and it's very hard to accept. I'm doing what's best for myself, even if it means going beyond my comfort zone.

4. When did your self-control blow you away? i'm pretty proud of my self control this month. I've been very committed to eating right. I've made good choices when i've eaten out with colleagues, and that's what blows me away.

5. What is your proudest moment ever? Probably the day that Chris asked me to marry him. My wedding day was very proud also, but both of us deciding and agreeing on that committment was a pretty huge deal.

6. When was the last time you felt absolutely beautiful? Too long ago. My wedding day. Over three years ago.

7. Why do you deserve to meet your goals? Because I finally have realized that I'm the only one that can make those things happen, and I can't let the rocky days get in the way of that!

Back to the Gym Tonight!

This week i haven't gotten to the gym. Monday night I planned to stay in because I was very sore. Tuesday and Wednesday I was supposed to get there, but instead, I spent both nights on the phone disputing erroneous charges to my check card from the gym I just joined. I cancelled the membership lastnight.

Still nobody has truly apologized to me.

Anyway, i'm honestly looking forward to going back. In just three short weeks, I already feel a difference in my body. I can feel that i'm building muscle in my arms, and I can see it in my legs.

Eating's been pretty good all week. Last night, I saved 4 points for beer at a happy hour I had plans to attend. I had two beers for 6 points though. I can't do light beer. It's just not worth it.

I was STARVING when I got home though. And I had no points for the day. So I had a piece of peanut butter toast. I'll make up for the 4 extra points tonight at the gym for sure. I'm ready to see more results on Monday morning!

We're expecting snow and cold cold weather this weekend. I stocked up at the grocery on Monday night. So i'm going to do some healthy cooking to last us through next week for lunches. I love leftovers for lunch in the winter!

The "New" Gym

So I joined a new gym on Monday night. And today I just may cancel the membership. I'm so angry.

I decided to pay up front for the year. It was much cheaper to do it that way, and i'm only in a one-year contract, rather than a two year contract like I would be if I had gone month to month.

As of today, they have charged my check card FIVE TIMES for this membership. About $2300 in charges, when it should have been $465. I'm so irate. And their manager won't seem to call me back. Something is shady.

I can dispute the charges with my bank, but it will take time.

My home computer is on the fritz, too, and it sounds like we should just buy a new computer, because the repair costs fall just shy of a brand new imac.

I can't catch a break, financially, these days. We've been trying so hard to save and to pay off debt, and stuff like this is really sucking us dry. HELP!

Week Two

At weigh in this morning, I was at the same weight I was at last Wednesday. A loss for the week is a loss though. My four pound total is still great. I'm very excited.

I managed two great workouts over the weekend. Yesterday, I really pushed myself. I'm very sore this morning. It feels great.

I ate out four times between Thursday and Sunday. It wasn't really avoidable either. Okay, last night's was, but it was the only social thing Chris and I did all weekend.

I'm going to keep trudging along. I'm going to check out a new gym near my house tonight. It might be time for a change.

In times of celebration!

I was promoted today, after a long, long wait (it's been in the works for almost a year).

I have 10 points for the day, and i'm resisting the urge to open that bottle of red downstairs to celebrate. Why must I always feel the need to celebrate with food?

When I told my mom, she INSISTED that we go out for martini's tomorrow night before the dinner we have planned.

I guess I'll have to really hit the gym hard this weekend!!

On Making Excuses

I didn't make it to the gym last night. I really had intended to. But I made excuses for myself. There were several. All were true, but still, I should have gone. Here they are:

I had a sinus headache.
I was still sore from Monday Pilates.
There was a really bad thunderstorm.
My dog was terrified of the really bad storm, and following me everywhere.
I was really tired after another exhausting day.
My friend/old boss called and we spent an hour on the phone.

How do I get myself out of this habit?

In other news, I weighed myself again this morning, since I officially started last Wednesday. I'm down a grand total of four pounds now, not two, like I was Monday. Hooray!

Thanks for the Encouragement!

Wow!

I'm really excited about the response and support. I look forward to getting to know everyone, and I'm sure this is really going to help me.

My meeting for tonight just got cancelled, which is good on the diet front because I won't have to resist tempation. Now I just need to figure out what I can have for dinner. I think a trip to the grocery store is in order. I'm out of some essentials anyhow.

Today's been pretty good. I had a WW bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, and rice with chicken and salsa for lunch. I just allowed myself an afternoon snack: organic instant oatmeal with a banana mashed in. YUM. It's one of my favorite treats.

I also just realized I can work out tonight. I'm debating on what to do because i'm still very sore from Pilates on Sunday night. Maybe I'll go back to the gym for some cardio and leg weights. Or maybe i'll just walk the dog for an hour. It's so warm outside!

Now i need to scour the web for some dinner recipe ideas!

When Frustration Hits

I had a rough day today at work, and I tried very hard not to turn to food. I'm such an emotional eater. A friend of mine at work was very upset with me for circumstances beyond my control, and really only because she's very competitive, and things just suck for us not having a manager. I'll just leave it at that, but I was almost in tears at my desk for most of the afternoon.

I did well for breakfast and lunch. I've taken a liking to the Fiber One cereal i bought. It's good mixed with organic vanilla yogurt. This morning I mixed it with Light N' Fit Dannon that i bought at work. Ugh. I HATE artificial sweeteners.

For lunch I brought rice an a TJ's stir fry I made last night. After a few bites I realized how much I DIDN'T like what I had, and I opted for the asparagus soup downstairs in the small cafe. Maybe not my best choice, but it beat the other options, plus it supposedly had a vegetable base.

I had a fiber one bar for a snack around 4pm (they taste like candy bars - no lie!).

When I got home I was STARVING. Before I knew it, I had eaten a piece of cheese and some animal crackers while I made spaghetti. We had turkey chili w/spaghetti for dinner. It was filling and just what I needed, but I know I needed more veggies in my diet today that I would have gotten in that stir fry.

I splurged after dinner on a piece of Ghirardelli chocolate. It was my emotions hitting me, and the stress of work. I need to get myself into a healthier work environment.

But I did walk the dog for 30 minutes (it's 70 degrees here today!), and hit the elliptical machine at the gym for another 30 minutes. I skipped the weights, because i'm SUPER sore from pilates last night.

I'm still counting WW points, and I think I went over by one point today, but I think the elliptical makes up for it.

Overall, i'm pretty proud of my resistance on the stress eating.

Tomorrow the fun begins - dinner meetings for the next three nights for AIGA.

Week One

My friend Sarah asked me to participate in a weight loss challenge with some friends last week, and I figured what the heck!

I weighed in last Wednesday morning, and weigh ins will be due every Monday.

It was a pretty good week. On Thursday night, I met my old boss for dinner at a bar. I had one beer. I chose a beer i'd like instead of two light beers that I wouldn't like. I had eaten wisely for breakfast and lunch to ensure that dinner wouldn't be a big problem. This place only serves burritos and quesadillas.

I chose the Black and Tan burrito - rice, black beans and pinto beans in a tortilla. I had 5-6 chips with Queso, which I couldn't resist. I ate half of the burrito and asked them to take the rest away immediately.

Saturday we went for Mexican with our neighbors. I really wanted to resist going, and stay home for a healthy meal, but we got sucked in. Everyone's doing it, you know.

I did alright. I ordered what they called the Mexican Salad, which was just iceberg, grilled chicken breast, tomatoes, jalapenos, green peppers and chihuaua cheese. I mixed the ranch with some of the salsa and had it on the side. What killed me there was the chips. I resisted the urge for margaritas though!

So this morning on weigh in (after 5 days), i lost two pounds.

I'm pretty happy with that!! Yay me! Back to the gym tonight.

And So It Begins...Again...

A little background on my weight loss journey:

I've always been overweight. It's just something I've always struggled with. I think my first memories of my struggle are from kindergarten. I distinctly recall going swimming with a friend, and realizing my belly was bigger than hers. And so it continued into my childhood. I was always a child who would rather curl up with a book than do something active. My mom used you limit my reading time and FORCE me to go outside.

When I entered high school I had really gotten heavy. By the end of my freshman year I was 5'2" and 190lbs. I started Diet Workshop with my friend Megan and her Mom. I lost 30 pounds, which was a HUGE win for me, over the course of about 5 months. I remember how fat I thought I was at 160, and that continues to be the skinniest I have been since that point.

Of course, the weight came back. Slowly, but surely. When I started college and stopped playing sports, the weight came back. When I met Chris, I wasn't as heavy as I had been before, but at this point, I was refusing to step on a scale. We ate out a LOT. Appetizers at every meal, and dessert too. When I saw photos of myself at my parents 25th wedding anniversary party I broke into tears, because I had no idea how I really looked.

That began my ongoing journey with Weight Watchers. I liked it SO much better than other things i've tried, and I lost about 40 pounds doing it. I've come to terms with the fact that i'll never be skinny, but on my wedding day I felt beautiful.

Since then it's been a struggle. It's hard to learn to cook for two in a healthy way, when I was so used to cooking for one to lose weight. This time i've realized that I place far too much emphasis on food as a source of entertainment. It can be that in a social setting, but I need to shift my outlook to view eating as a source of energy, not what I do to stay occupied.

And so begins my journey. I hope this time I can maintain it. If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading along. Every ounce of interest and encouragement helps.