Feels Good to Exercise!!

I rocked the gym tonight. My great return after almost a month not going. I've used every excuse in the book, including exercising in other ways, but it was long past time for me to get back.

It was awesome. I wish I could remind myself of this every time I sit around dreading going there. And I especially hope I can remember this tomorrow night after sushi with my friends. I feel so good. I'm breathing easier, and that cheddar popcorn I had earlier isn't so bad anymore now that I've given myself the chance to work it off!

Hooray for the gym!

Anxiety!

I am really really stressing about some life decisions and some important things happening this week. So far, i've done really well channeling that into exercise in the last two days.

That is all!

The Good and The Bad

I guess i'll start with the bad here, so I can end on the good!

I had grand plans to go to the gym this morning. I went to bed at 10pm, set my alarm for 5:20, had my gym clothes ON, my ipod, shoes, glasses and water bottle set out and ready to go. And this morning at 5:20 am? I reset my alarm for 7 am. I guess i'll be going tonight instead!

I can say that the good part is the reason for the bad though!

I have a new cousin! And my phone started ringing off the hook at home, and the text messages were flying from 11pm - 1am. My youngest uncle who is only four years older than me (he's younger than Chris!), and his wife Bridget had their second child last night. Their first will be two in July (Eddie). So they really are going to have their hands full!

The reason our phone rang off the hook is that everybody in the family (my aunt, my grandma, my brother and my uncle) all wanted us to know that they named him William Henry - after my Dad! At first it made me a little upset. Chris and I have talked a lot about naming a son William someday. My Dad sure has been a big influence in my life. But they sure did beat us to it! And I'm really really happy that my Dad has this honor. My uncle actually texted me to say that he hoped I wasn't mad at him for the name. I couldn't be happier though!

HOORAY!

I made it back to the gym tonight after a long hiatus - and I feel awesome!

I walked the dog before I went, and that fresh air really helped me. I did 40 minutes of cardio, and lower body weights. I came home feeling energized and breathing easier.

Isn't it amazing what a workout can do for you? Tomorrow my plan is to work on designing a web page - my first ever. And to pilates, and make a good tofu/veggie stirfry.

I realize that if I can just keep up my workout regimen I WILL lose weight. My eating isn't perfect, but it isn't awful either. I did pretty good today, with the exception of some cheez-its right before the gym. As long as I keep my fridge stocked with healthy snacks and meal options, i'm doing alright. For me, it's all about pre-planning and keeping up the workouts!

Happy Monday!

Cleveland LOVES Don Henley

We had a really really fun weekend in Cleveland. And to qualify my headline (my husband will be proud!), we heard Don Henley/The Eagles all over the place up there. After a long drive up there Friday night, we went to bed around midnight, only about 45 minutes after we arrived.

Saturday morning, I had to be up to be at a 9am photo shoot about 45 minutes from my friends' house, where we were staying. I was quite a nervous wreck about the whole thing, and didn't sleep really well. I worried for nothing, because it all went really well, and I was back to our friends' house by noon.

We left for lunching at the Willoughby Brewing Company. It was excellent. Kelly and I split a portobella wrap and fries, and our boys each got their own personal heart attacks on a plate. Afterwards we went bowling. We had a blast. I realize I am totally immature by starting this, but it sure made the day fun. We started the "that's what she said" game. By the end of the second game of bowling, my sides hurt from laughing. It's way too easy when you're bowling especially. For example, Frank said "man, I just can't seem to find the right spot with this ball." THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!

Okay, maybe it was funnier if you were there!

We also went out to dinner that evening, and I fared well with king crab legs and a salad. Then came dessert. And Chris refused to share his. Yes, they were that good. So I ordered my own and made everyone share it with me. For the record - it was one of the best cheesecakes i've ever had.

Sunday we drove back early, so Chris and I could both attend separate evening engagements that I won't even go into.

Today though? I'm in my points range. I walked the dog tonight, and i'm heading to the gym. I'm going to the grocery store afterwards to stock up on some food for the week. I'm going to have a great week. I can feel it!

On another note: I found out that Chris is apparently reading this blog from time to time. But I bet he's too shy to say hello!

A Nice Leisurely Saturday

I've had a pretty decent weekend foodwise. Friday night I did splurge on three glasses of white wine. I was so worked up about everything going on at work, and it' helped me relax. I know it's not really a healthy way of dealing with stress - but it sure felt good!

Yesterday I made it to the gym and did 35 minutes on the arc trainer. I'm really beginning to love that thing. I did upper body strength training, and Chris and I took the dog for a long walk in the sun! It was refreshing. After church, we went to dinner with our pastor, Ed, and two ladies from our church. It was nice. We went to the same Mexican place I visited last weekend with girlfriends. I convinced Chris to split the fajitas with me. He was very concerned that he'd leave hungry - but it was enough food for three people easily. And it was SOOO good. I ate more chips than I needed to, but I wasn't too worried. I'd made good choices all day long. We had every intention of going to see a movie after we stopped home to feed and let out the dog. But as we flipped channels for a few minutes, we found some good movies were on, and we settled in to watch Wedding Crashers. It was so relaxing. We eventually moved upstairs and curled up in bed with the dog betweeen us to watch the movie. I fell asleep by 11pm. But I needed the sleep!

This morning I got up, had some cereal and headed out to the gym. Today I did 40 minutes on the arc trainer and lower body strength training. I was so proud of 40 minutes on that machine. I really really like it. I haven't gotten bored on it yet. And i've worked myself up to a reasonable time after a long hiatus from the flu.

I had a grilled cheese and roasted turkey sandwich for lunch which was just amazing. Then I dropped Chris and his friend Jim off at UC for the basketball game and came into work. I'm still here. I did fall off the wagon a bit and splurged on some Graeter's we had in the freezer at work. It was worth every calorie, because I've really had some major chocolate cravings that I just want to satisfy so I can move on and not nibble on it here and there like I have been (hello thin mints in the freezer at home!).

Tonight, I am making Linda McCartney's Winter Lasagne recipe. It has lots of fresh spinach and mushrooms and not much cheese - it's sounds really healthy and really yummy. I'm also going to make a tofu-noodle stir fry for lunches this week, and prepare our meal for tomorrow night - Mahi Mahi, asparagus and fingerling potatoes. Sunday is my day to cook!

Back to work to get some stuff done so perhaps my week will be a bit less stressful!

I am still a little worried about stepping on the scale tomorrow morning, but we'll see what happens. I feel like i've eaten okay, but i'm not sure if it all will add up to a loss. If nothing else, I've gotten in three really good workouts this week, and two nights of Pilates at home. And i'm really starting to see the workout time as MY time to relax and unwind. This is a HUGE leap for me! Workouts have always always been a chore.

Be back tomorrow!

I decided that while I was battling my sickness (and I still am just a little), i'd lay off the blog posting. My appetite is officially back, and I need to get myself back into some good eating habits again. I've decided against weighing in Monday, because this weekend includes alot of out of town guests, eating out, and I haven't been to the gym in two weeks. I am hoping to go back tomorrow.

With several friends visiting this weekend my eating has been off. Mexican food yesterday. Two (yes, tw0) donuts for breakfast this morning. A few beers and chips in there, too. My body is hating me for it today, too. I'm sluggish. And I KNOW now that most of my gastro issues are due to poor eating choices, because my stomach really hasn't bothered me much since Christmas...until today!

Stay tuned for more on Monday when I return to the momentum I had! My cough is almost gone, and I'm looking forward to a grand return to the gym.

What working toward physical health has done for my mental health

A few months ago, I made the decision to talk to my primary care physician about referring me to a therapist of some sort to deal with some of the anxiety I had been experiencing. I have always been somewhat of an anxious person, but in the last year I have noticed a change. I was having a lot of trouble sleeping. I was waking up after just a few hours of sleep having what I can only assume are panic attacks about work, about finances, about my insecurities, about an argument Chris and I may have had that day. My eating was really bad, and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to find an ounce of will-power inside of me. I was tired ALL THE TIME. Most nights, I came home from work most nights with every intention of going to the gym and being productive, and most nights I would make some dinner (as quick and tasty as possible), and spend the rest of my night laying in bed watching TV, with the occasional trip to the computer to check email, read blogs or news. I realized after Thanksgiving that I needed to do something about it.

Alot of things in my life have contributed to this change in my anxiety levels. And without going into too much detail, at the risk of being found by someone I don't want to read this, a lot of things had changed in my life. My job had changed a lot. We had a lot of management changes, structural changes, and my boss resigned. All in the midst of the biggest and most stressful project I've ever worked on. I joined the board of the professional organization for which I belong. I began volunteering one night a week serving dinner to Cincinnati's homeless. And on top of it all, Chris was working even MORE as his deadlines had changed, and he was taking a very intense class.

In summary, I was just doing too much for everyone else, and not doing much of anything for myself.

I went to see my physician one night in December, after talking to a couple of friends about therapy. I wasn't sure where to start. I know that ADD, depression and anxiety-prone behavior are dominant on both sides of my family. It was a scary and completely raw emotional feeling for me. I wound up bawling in my doctor's office, telling him that I just wanted to talk to someone about healthier ways of dealing with stress and learning to let go of things that upset me. And then I felt completely stupid for having the breakdown. But that was exactly what I needed someone else to see, because I was becoming completely irrational - at least to myself, and I couldn't control my emotions in simple acts like explaining my feelings to someone.

I made a call to the therapist who he recommended. She called back and informed me that she doesn't accept any kind of insurance, and went over her prices with me, and offered to find another therapist for me that would take my insurance. I told her I'd think it over and call her back.

The holidays came and went. Life got busier, and I just put it off. Over Christmas I ate so poorly that I was sick from overconsumption. I hated myself for it, too. I was absolutely disgusted with myself. And that's when I decided I had to get serious, and find the will to take the time for myself to eat better, to exercise and to listen to my own body. A novel concept, right?

It's amazing to me what a difference treating myself with the respect that I treat everyone else around me has made. I have confidence again. I have energy. My emotions are in check. My husband isn't afraid to joke around with me or pay me a compliment in fear of upsetting me about something unexpectedly or that I might skew his comment. I'm sleeping so much better. I have a sense of humor again!

I was thinking about this today as I was at the gym, rocking the arc trainer. I have worked myself up to 25 minutes on the machine this week. When I tried it out last Thursday, I did 8 minutes on it, and thought I was going to die. I was enjoying my workout for the first time in a really long time. Chris tried really hard to tempt me to stay home today - it was REALLY cold outside - and he was content with hibernating all day. But I went because I wanted to go. And *I* was the one with all the energy.

And yes, i'm rambling. But I just want to share here that I just feel like i'm back. And back to stay. I wanted to write these thoughts to look back on when I'm having a day that reminds me of the last several months before I began working so hard on myself.

On tap for this week to do for myself:
A girls' night in Columbus on Friday.
A show on Wednesday night (hopefully it's not sold out already).
Lunch out (eating outside of my office with someone other than coworkers is HUGE for me) with my friend Sarah
Reading a new book - I haven't read in ages!

Gearing up for a good habit weekend!

I've been pretty ON this week with my eating, I am proud to report. I have eaten out a few times, but i've made wise choices. With the exception of Tuesday, when I consumed an entire roll of sushi (Oh, how I love the Green Papaya Roll!), which I'm sure exceeded the 300 calories I had left for that meal. I've been to the gym only twice, but I've worked VERY hard, and needed the days in between to recover from sore muscles.

I've been really hungry all the time, too, and i'm chalking that up to burning calories faster. I've made good choices with my snacks. I've had high-protein snacks to satifsy those cravings, and I've been planning meals efficiently as well.

This weekend i'll most definitely be at the gym Saturday and Sunday.

I'm praying that I can recoup a loss from the gain last week! Good luck to all!

Seriously?

Well first of all, I rocked the gym tonight. I tried out a new machine tonight. It was a cross training machine, but also like an elliptical, but the elevation changed. I'm not sure what the industry term was for it. I lasted 10 minutes on it, but it's the hardest 10 minutes i've worked out in a month! Of course, I spent my usual 30 on the elliptical and did lower body weights for 20 minutes.

Back to the point of this blog entry: there was a woman on a machine next to me talking on her cell phone. She must have felt me glaring at her. I couldn't help but be resentful of her. She's working out, talking about how to get her kids to daycare tomorrow and gabbing away with god knows who. And I just wanted to say "This is MY time. Please don't annoy me with your drama and your loud voice!"

I did good on food today. Just about 100 calories over my daily limit, but the gym definitely makes up for it. For now, i'm going to spend some time reading a new book and try to stay awake just a little while longer.

Apparently, the number two is my favorite - Week 5

Since I began this weight loss journey early in January, I have consistently taken off two pounds each week and been very proud.

This week the number I saw was also a difference of two pounds. But it was two pounds in the wrong direction. I'm upset about it, sure. But I know exactly what I did to put those pounds on, and I HAVE to work harder this week at planning better, and exercising more.

Here's a quick rundown:
•I didn't drink enough water - instead, i drank a lot of pop.
• I didn't fare so well at parties on Saturday or Sunday nights with food.
• I didn't work out at all this weekend, and usually I do at least twice
• I had a massive chocolate craving, and i found Chris' secret stash and totally binged.


Goals for this week:
• Drink more water (i'm on 20 oz today already).
• Make good choices when I eat out (so far this week, it looks like i have two work commitments out for lunch, I ran out this morning without packing anything, so I will have to seek something out on my own, and my friend Datina just invited me out for thai/sushi tomorrow night.
• Workout at least 4 times, but aim for 5, and work in some Pilates this week on days I don't go to the gym.
• Shop/plan better for the week so I can tackle those cravings with more strategy.

I WILL get back on track, and not sweat this. It happens. I have several things at home to make for meals to really get myself motivated this week.

Hope you all had better weigh-ins than me!

I'm exhausted!!

I haven't worked out since Sunday. And today i'm feeling the effects of that. I've been SO tired all day. It's amazing what exercise does for you.

I'm sure working like I have the last three days is not helping in the least (in at 7:30, work nonstop till 6, up until midnight doing around the house stuff). Thank goodness tomorrow is Thursday!

I realized on my way home today that I haven't done a very good job of pre-planning meals to take to work this week. I'm going to make a tuna salad and green salad tonight for both of us to pack tomorrow. Friday I have plans to go out for lunch (location tbd) with a friend from work, and out to dinner at Benihana for dinner before I go to see Wicked with my friend Danielle.

I can do this though, right? No fried rice, just plain brown or white. Chicken and shrimp, hibachi style shouldn't be too fatty - at least I think! I guess alot is riding on that lunch, too. Hello big salad!?

Working out tonight and tomorrow will get me through and keep me motivated!! I'm actually looking forward to it.

But for now...a power nap!

updating

i've been playing around with the templates tonight. i'm still not feeling it though. oh if only i wasn't cursed with design snobbery sometimes.  :)

we hit up two parties tonight. i did pretty well food-wise. i resisted all food at the first party, and just had a beer. when we got to the second party at 10:30, i was pretty hungry, since we had pizza for dinner, and i had two small pieces, trying to eat in moderation. I did okay though. I had a handful of carrots, some pineapple, about 4 tortilla chips with reuben or artichoke dip on them, and one glass of wine.

i had a pretty solid workout today though, and i'm planning to go back tomorrow morning. it feels goooooood to work my way up on those machines. i'm up to 40 mins at level 4 on the elliptical machines, and just increased my upper body weights to 50lbs per machine. Tomorrow i'm going for 50 minutes on the elliptical, lower body weights, and pilates tomorrow night at home.

I'm really beginning to value my workouts as "me" time. It's my time alone with good music and my own thoughts to sort out things, or just daydream a little.

I cheated today and stepped on the scale, fully clothed this morning with slippers on. i was at the same weight as last Monday. I'm pretty sure i'll at least see a one or two pound loss this week, and any loss is good with me!

I also have Monday off for MLK day. I'm really looking forward to the afternoon to spend time at the gym when i suspect it will be at its' slowest.

Back to the Gym Tonight!

This week i haven't gotten to the gym. Monday night I planned to stay in because I was very sore. Tuesday and Wednesday I was supposed to get there, but instead, I spent both nights on the phone disputing erroneous charges to my check card from the gym I just joined. I cancelled the membership lastnight.

Still nobody has truly apologized to me.

Anyway, i'm honestly looking forward to going back. In just three short weeks, I already feel a difference in my body. I can feel that i'm building muscle in my arms, and I can see it in my legs.

Eating's been pretty good all week. Last night, I saved 4 points for beer at a happy hour I had plans to attend. I had two beers for 6 points though. I can't do light beer. It's just not worth it.

I was STARVING when I got home though. And I had no points for the day. So I had a piece of peanut butter toast. I'll make up for the 4 extra points tonight at the gym for sure. I'm ready to see more results on Monday morning!

We're expecting snow and cold cold weather this weekend. I stocked up at the grocery on Monday night. So i'm going to do some healthy cooking to last us through next week for lunches. I love leftovers for lunch in the winter!

The "New" Gym

So I joined a new gym on Monday night. And today I just may cancel the membership. I'm so angry.

I decided to pay up front for the year. It was much cheaper to do it that way, and i'm only in a one-year contract, rather than a two year contract like I would be if I had gone month to month.

As of today, they have charged my check card FIVE TIMES for this membership. About $2300 in charges, when it should have been $465. I'm so irate. And their manager won't seem to call me back. Something is shady.

I can dispute the charges with my bank, but it will take time.

My home computer is on the fritz, too, and it sounds like we should just buy a new computer, because the repair costs fall just shy of a brand new imac.

I can't catch a break, financially, these days. We've been trying so hard to save and to pay off debt, and stuff like this is really sucking us dry. HELP!

Week Two

At weigh in this morning, I was at the same weight I was at last Wednesday. A loss for the week is a loss though. My four pound total is still great. I'm very excited.

I managed two great workouts over the weekend. Yesterday, I really pushed myself. I'm very sore this morning. It feels great.

I ate out four times between Thursday and Sunday. It wasn't really avoidable either. Okay, last night's was, but it was the only social thing Chris and I did all weekend.

I'm going to keep trudging along. I'm going to check out a new gym near my house tonight. It might be time for a change.

On Making Excuses

I didn't make it to the gym last night. I really had intended to. But I made excuses for myself. There were several. All were true, but still, I should have gone. Here they are:

I had a sinus headache.
I was still sore from Monday Pilates.
There was a really bad thunderstorm.
My dog was terrified of the really bad storm, and following me everywhere.
I was really tired after another exhausting day.
My friend/old boss called and we spent an hour on the phone.

How do I get myself out of this habit?

In other news, I weighed myself again this morning, since I officially started last Wednesday. I'm down a grand total of four pounds now, not two, like I was Monday. Hooray!

Thanks for the Encouragement!

Wow!

I'm really excited about the response and support. I look forward to getting to know everyone, and I'm sure this is really going to help me.

My meeting for tonight just got cancelled, which is good on the diet front because I won't have to resist tempation. Now I just need to figure out what I can have for dinner. I think a trip to the grocery store is in order. I'm out of some essentials anyhow.

Today's been pretty good. I had a WW bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, and rice with chicken and salsa for lunch. I just allowed myself an afternoon snack: organic instant oatmeal with a banana mashed in. YUM. It's one of my favorite treats.

I also just realized I can work out tonight. I'm debating on what to do because i'm still very sore from Pilates on Sunday night. Maybe I'll go back to the gym for some cardio and leg weights. Or maybe i'll just walk the dog for an hour. It's so warm outside!

Now i need to scour the web for some dinner recipe ideas!