The week STARTED well...

...and it ended on a low note!

I did so well all week with eating. I was walking the dog every day, and hardly even snacking or feeling hungry because I was too busy to think about it. I even managed to find time to plan out my lunches so I was staying on track.

And then the weekend rolled around. It started Friday night when I suggested we get soft serve ice cream. Then Saturday, after our street sale (and I managed to say "no" to hotdogs, doughnuts and lemonde!) we had our street party. I had a bratwurst. And a cookie (it was vegan, but it was still very much a fattening thing! And some heavenly granny smith apple salad with snickers and coolwhip mixed in. It wasn't awful, since I hadn't eaten much all day. But then my neighbor brought out a carton of strawberry whoppers, and a carton of chocolate whoppers. And I proceeded to eat them and eat them and eat them. Sunday, too. Only Sunday i finished off two bowls of that apple salad in addition and then ate my way around the local Greek Festival.

*SIGH* I don't know how this happens to me. And I was even thinking while I was doing it how mad at myself I would be.

But today's a new day! I weighed in today at the same weight as last week, thank goodness, and i've made solid choices today. I even told Chris he should take our friend Adam to the Reds' game so I could go work out.

Here's to another week of staying on target and remaining that way!

Okay, WHY am I hungry again?

I went out to lunch today. I had a grilled chicken skewer with rice pilaf, a salad and hummus and pita bread. I felt satisfied when I left there at 12:45. An hour later i'm feeling hungry again.

Time to hit the water, i think. But I need to hold off on snacking for at least another hour!

I'm sure it's just my body readjusting to eating like crap for the last two days. But man, does this stink!

Food for Thought

This has been floating around several blogs lately and has the potential to give you some insight about why you eat when/what you do. Just some food for thought...

1. What types of food were you most likely to overeat?
Anything with cheese or chocolate.

2. What times of day did you overeat most often?
Evenings mostly. When I have down time, or am just too busy to really think about what's going in my mouth, and too tired to really put forth the effort.

3. What feelings were you having most often when you overate?
Many times i'm upset or angry. Or i'm just exhausted from the amount of energy it requires to portion and make good choices. I often find myself with a very "fuck it" kind of attitude, and think "just a little more of this (insert item I shouldn't be eating here) won't hurt for just one day." Then it just keeps spiraling, unfortunately.

4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder?
I don't think I have a binge eating disorder, but I do think I have an addiction. Addictions run in my family with alcohol and tobacco. I've managed to avoid those two addictions, but food is what I replace it with.

5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain?
I don't want it to sound like I blame my parents for my weight, because I don't. But I believe it all started when we moved into the house I mostly grew up in. We had lots of space with a private drive, but nobody to play with. My brother and I have always been so different that playing with him was never the most attractive option. I could never ride my bike to a friends' house. I was never allowed to take a walk alone, and it was rare that my Mom would go with me. So my childhood experience really lacked the means to get myself in an active lifestyle. I opted instead to read so much that my Mother would FORCE me outside to play, or watch TV whenever my parents weren't home, or whenever I was otherwise allowed (which is alot).

6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight?
I really can only blame myself. I make the choice to put foods in my mouth. I make the choice to skip the gym, or go out to lunch when I should eat what i've packed.

7. What other behaviors made you overweight?
I'm lazy. I always have been. And we were kind of poor when I was a kid, and I never took to vegetables because we always had things like corn or peas out of a can or frozen from a bag. They only way my Mom could ever get me to really want to eat them was in a cream sauce or in a cheese sauce. I am only now beginning to like vegetables - because i buy and use them fresh.

8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight?
Usually. I always played sports. And i really have made an effort to work out at a gym since college. It's just not always part of my regular routine.

10. What made you finally want to change?
I'm not sure I fully have changed. I have a long way to go. I'm tired of looking around and wondering if i'm the fat girl in the room. I'm tired of shopping and never even trying on what i'd REALLY like to wear because I know it won't look good, or worse, it doesn't even come in my size. I'm tired of the cracks people make - perfect strangers - if I unintentionally upset someone while driving and I hear them yell "you fat (insert expletives here)" like I heard from mean mean kids growing up.
More importantly, I want to have children, and I don't want my children to struggle with this problem. I want to have healthy pregnancies, and I want my children to learn how to balance exercise and nutrition so they don't make the mistakes I did!

Oh the fried pickles!

I had a fantastic time at dinner with Andrea last night. We caught up for over three hours and talked about a lot of stuff...thankfully, most of it was not work related!

Regardless, I had about 10 points left when I went in there for dinner. I ordered a Leffe (a wonderful belgian beer). Andrea ordered fried pickles. I wanted to punch her and kiss her at the same time. One became three. My good word. How do I count those?

I stuck to the plan on the sandwich - mostly. They didn't have wheat bread (huh?). So I ordered it as is with slaw instead of fries. It came out and was gigantic. It was cut in half, and I strategically chose the smaller half and took the top piece of foccacia off. It was good, and it filled me completely. I didn't even touch the slaw. When I got home, Chris devoured what was left.

Pilates didn't happen. But a long walk with the dog this morning did. It's a small victory.

Andrea and I are going to get drinks tonight around 8pm with some other friends. I want to get out of the house so Chris can study. I have promised myself only one beer, and that I WILL go to the gym and at least do cardio beforehand.

Apparently, the number two is my favorite - Week 5

Since I began this weight loss journey early in January, I have consistently taken off two pounds each week and been very proud.

This week the number I saw was also a difference of two pounds. But it was two pounds in the wrong direction. I'm upset about it, sure. But I know exactly what I did to put those pounds on, and I HAVE to work harder this week at planning better, and exercising more.

Here's a quick rundown:
•I didn't drink enough water - instead, i drank a lot of pop.
• I didn't fare so well at parties on Saturday or Sunday nights with food.
• I didn't work out at all this weekend, and usually I do at least twice
• I had a massive chocolate craving, and i found Chris' secret stash and totally binged.


Goals for this week:
• Drink more water (i'm on 20 oz today already).
• Make good choices when I eat out (so far this week, it looks like i have two work commitments out for lunch, I ran out this morning without packing anything, so I will have to seek something out on my own, and my friend Datina just invited me out for thai/sushi tomorrow night.
• Workout at least 4 times, but aim for 5, and work in some Pilates this week on days I don't go to the gym.
• Shop/plan better for the week so I can tackle those cravings with more strategy.

I WILL get back on track, and not sweat this. It happens. I have several things at home to make for meals to really get myself motivated this week.

Hope you all had better weigh-ins than me!

I'm exhausted!!

I haven't worked out since Sunday. And today i'm feeling the effects of that. I've been SO tired all day. It's amazing what exercise does for you.

I'm sure working like I have the last three days is not helping in the least (in at 7:30, work nonstop till 6, up until midnight doing around the house stuff). Thank goodness tomorrow is Thursday!

I realized on my way home today that I haven't done a very good job of pre-planning meals to take to work this week. I'm going to make a tuna salad and green salad tonight for both of us to pack tomorrow. Friday I have plans to go out for lunch (location tbd) with a friend from work, and out to dinner at Benihana for dinner before I go to see Wicked with my friend Danielle.

I can do this though, right? No fried rice, just plain brown or white. Chicken and shrimp, hibachi style shouldn't be too fatty - at least I think! I guess alot is riding on that lunch, too. Hello big salad!?

Working out tonight and tomorrow will get me through and keep me motivated!! I'm actually looking forward to it.

But for now...a power nap!

Temptation Week!

It's no surprise to most women to hear from another that when PMS hits, so do food cravings. This week has been hard. I've done pretty well so far. Monday, wasn't the best day, mainly because I skipped dinner and snacked on a WW ice cream sandwich, crackers and cheese. I was craving chocolate and salt. Sound familiar to anyone?

As I've gotten older, this stuff has gotten worse. The cravings and mood swings have gotten stronger, and I keep hoping that as I lose weight, these things will fade somewhat. I hope my wishes aren't disillusioned though.

Last night I resisted beer at the bar, and food, too. I SO badly wanted to order some deep fried pickles. I've never tried these before. Last night it just sounded good. But I resisted. Sometimes it just seems so easy to give up.

Today - I indulged in one piece of Russell Stover Chocolate. Big Whoop. It's 6pm and I still have 11 points left for dinner. Dinner's going to be at a bar for a meeting - but I can safely order a veggie burger or a salad and a diet coke and do just fine.

The point is, temptation is where I always fall short in my struggle to get healthy. I do well for a few weeks, and my hormones get in the way. I'm an emotional eater sometimes. Sometimes I eat because I'm bored. Sometimes I just eat because I happen to like food.

But so far, i'm making good choices, and I need to realize that one bad choice once in awhile is no excuse to give up. I'm doing good. I'm getting stronger. Chris has mentioned twice this week how much more energy I seem to have already.

I just need to keep on going!