The week STARTED well...

...and it ended on a low note!

I did so well all week with eating. I was walking the dog every day, and hardly even snacking or feeling hungry because I was too busy to think about it. I even managed to find time to plan out my lunches so I was staying on track.

And then the weekend rolled around. It started Friday night when I suggested we get soft serve ice cream. Then Saturday, after our street sale (and I managed to say "no" to hotdogs, doughnuts and lemonde!) we had our street party. I had a bratwurst. And a cookie (it was vegan, but it was still very much a fattening thing! And some heavenly granny smith apple salad with snickers and coolwhip mixed in. It wasn't awful, since I hadn't eaten much all day. But then my neighbor brought out a carton of strawberry whoppers, and a carton of chocolate whoppers. And I proceeded to eat them and eat them and eat them. Sunday, too. Only Sunday i finished off two bowls of that apple salad in addition and then ate my way around the local Greek Festival.

*SIGH* I don't know how this happens to me. And I was even thinking while I was doing it how mad at myself I would be.

But today's a new day! I weighed in today at the same weight as last week, thank goodness, and i've made solid choices today. I even told Chris he should take our friend Adam to the Reds' game so I could go work out.

Here's to another week of staying on target and remaining that way!

Oh Excercise, I Miss You!

Life continues to be crazy, and this week is no different.

My eating really has been okay this week. I probably haven't had nearly enough vegetables, but I'm drinking lots of water and not snacking carelessly between meals. I've packed my lunch and planned my dinners except for yesterday - when I left my purse at home and begged Chris to meet me to take me out to lunch. Even then, I had turkey and cheddar on wheat with a side of fruit salad - not bad!

I haven't had the time to exercise AGAIN this week, except for my morning walks with the dog. I've been busy trying to get my house under control. It's a total mess, and we're having a party here on Saturday...kind of all day, starting with our Garage sale in the morning.

I really don't think i'll get to the gym before Sunday...does cleaning and laundry count for exercise! There just aren't enough hours in the day!

Weekly Recap

I did very well last week, I think.

I didn't manage much time for exercise at the gym, but I did take at least one walk (sometimes two) with the dog every day. I made it to the gym once. And though I had the time yesterday to go to the gym, I was (and still am) very sore from the yardwork I did on saturday for about 3 and a half hours.

I was trying really hard to approach this differently. I don't want to count every little thing I put into my mouth. I'm trying to make good choices about what i'm putting in my mouth. I want to realize when I'm actually HUNGRY, and not just bored, tired or stressed out. I think I did a pretty good job of that.

Saturday, we went to a family party where my uncle grilled burgers and "tube meat." I gave up beef several months ago, and found the other choices too fattening. So I had a huge salad, some baked beans and potato salad. Before dinner while everyone else was filling up on chips, dips, cookies and brownies, I had a small rice krispy treat and two hand fulls of carrots. And then a very small brownie after dinner.

Yesterday we had dinner at my Grandma's. She's a fantastic cook. We had grilled pork tenderloin, asparagus, salad, rolls and (my favorite) mashed potatoes. I only ate until I was full and I stopped. I didn't go back for seconds on the potatoes, and I passed up the cheesecake for dessert. It was still a big and dense meal.

When I weighed in this morning, I had lost two pounds for the week. And I'm VERY satisfied with that!

On tap for this week's goals:

Drink more water!
Strategize eating for this weekend's street party and Thursday's happy hour

On Self-Control

I've been thinking alot lately about self-control and about willpower.

I have such a hard time willing myself to eat healthy and exercise, and an even harder time with willing myself to stick with it.

In every other aspect of my life i've always held back. I've always been afraid of losing control, but somehow it's food that i find the most comfort in letting myself go completely.

I come from a family of drinkers. I hesitate to say alcoholics, mostly because I'm probably not ready to admit that. But I knew at a very early age that I never wanted to need to drink like my parents and sibling and so many others in my family do. Don't get me wrong, I like a cold beer, a really dry glass of wine, and the occasional margarita or martini. But even in my most comfortable of situations, I rarely let myself get drunk. My husband can probably count those times on one hand in 6 years of being together. These addictive tendencies are hereditary though, right?

When I was still single, I held back tremendously with those I dated. With sex, with commitment in some aspects and with really letting people "in."

I was never one to experiment with drugs much (and hey - i went to art school and lots of phish and DMB shows!). I never got wild and went to parties. But food -- food was always there, and I have always been willing to let loose and find comfort in that. When I have a bad day at work, I have always turned to food instead of hobbies, exercise, entertainment, or even a beer.

It's just something interesting i've been mulling over about myself. I think that in the six years that i've been with my husband, I've really changed in a lot of ways. I was a total introvert in so many situations. I was afraid to do alot of things alone, though my stubbornness never let that side of myself show too much. He's brought me out of my shell in a lot of ways, and the funny part is that he's a pretty introspective person himself.

I don't hold back anymore on things so much out of fear, but by choice, and I'm hoping that as my own self continues this evolution, I'll continue to find ways to channel my comfort needs into other things, and to control my urges where food is concerned. I know that a big part of this journey is about recognizing my own behaviors and learning to change them. And I think this is a good start.

Feels Good to Exercise!!

I rocked the gym tonight. My great return after almost a month not going. I've used every excuse in the book, including exercising in other ways, but it was long past time for me to get back.

It was awesome. I wish I could remind myself of this every time I sit around dreading going there. And I especially hope I can remember this tomorrow night after sushi with my friends. I feel so good. I'm breathing easier, and that cheddar popcorn I had earlier isn't so bad anymore now that I've given myself the chance to work it off!

Hooray for the gym!

I can DO this!

:)

I feel really good about my day today. I made wise choices for food. I planned my eating in advance, I took a nice long walk (boy it's been gorgeous outside), and I'm getting ready to go to bed nice and early tonight.

It's amazing what a difference a day can make!

Now it's time for me to pack my lunch for tomorrow and get settled into bed with a book! What a great day!

If at first you don't succeed...

Last week could have gone better with my eating. I never wrote about it here because I was pretty down on it all. I didn't make it to the gym a single time. I only got out to walk the dog twice. My eating wasn't awful, but it wasn't very good either. By the time Friday rolled around, I found myself downing a bowl of fresh guacamole and chips and drinking two powerful margaritas.

It was all stress, and i need to learn, as I've said many times before, to channel that differently. Yesterday I tried on a pair of capris that I bought last year and couldn't get them buttoned. It made me break into tears. This morning I got on the scale, and my weight is back to where it was on New Year's day. My 9 pounds is all back.

Today went really well though. I had lots of veggies - broccoli with lunch, corn and a salad with dinner. I had lots of fruit - a nectarine with breakfast, watermelon with lunch, strawberries after dinner. My only splurge was the baked cheetos after I went to the grocery store (which I didn't need in the first place).

Quinn (my dog if I haven't mentioned his name before) and I went for a nice long walk this evening after I got back from the grocery store. I spent $109 and change at Meijer tonight. I stocked up on some things and I feel set for the week. I am limiting myself to only eating out on Thursday night with my girlfriends for sushi, and Chris has agreed to stay in with me and not suggest eating out this weekend. So i'm set for some pretty interesting meals. I bought a pork tenderloin filet, and plan to make a Morrocan spice rub for it. I've got bok choy, tofu and fresh farmer's market asparagus for an amazing stir fry. I bought ground turkey and have the ingredients for fresh salsa - thank you again farmer's market - so we'll be having tacos this week.

We have dog training on the agenda for tomorrow night, but i'm slated for the gym Wednesday and Thursday nights (no sushi for me unless I promise to work out that night!).

I'm back. And I'm trying hard. And knowing that I have a network of friends out there doing the same is really helping me - thanks to all of you whose blogs keep me inspired!

5 Things

According to Fat Bridesmaid, I’m supposed to tell you 5 things that you may not know about me.
I always have trouble with these things for some reason, but I will give it my best shot.

Thing 1: My very first job ever was at a convent. I went to a Catholic school, and the meanest old nun in the school recommended me for the job. It was the best job ever. I did my homework and answered the phones when they rang. And they hardly every rang. I sure wish that was my job now, some days. I could be writing the great American Novel or something while I worked!

Thing 2: I have only one sibling who I don't get along with very well. And I wish I did. Honestly, most times that I do spend time with him I don't like him very well. If we weren't siblings i'm sure we wouldn't be friends. And I mention this to say that I really wish that I knew how to remedy the broken relationship that we have. I really really have tried.

Thing 3: I stay in contact with people to a fault. My kindergarten best friend and I still have lunch a few times a year. My high school art teacher came to my wedding. I still email the little girls I babysat so much as a teenager. I even keep in touch with some of the people I dated before I was married. It all baffles my husband, who has three very very good friends, and just doesn't expand his social network much otherwise.

Thing 4: My favorite movie of all time is Benny and Joon. It's kind of weird and quirky and Johnny Depp is amazing in it.

Thing 5: I have never been able to do a cartwheel in my life. I'm so uncoordinated and I think that's a big reason why, but not even as a kid, in tumbling classes, could I do one.

Tagging: Jen, Shayna, Sarah, Rach

When it rains it pours!

Somehow when I try to start fresh on my eating, I have the worst most stressful days. I don't get it.

Yesterday was a doozie, and today's not starting out any better.

I stayed on track yesterday, save for some Pita chips that I shouldn't have eaten, but I didn't get to eat my lunch yesterday because work was so busy.

Today, i'm already on track for doing the same. And on top of it, I have to hire a new temp because my current temp help found another job, thinking we wouldn't need her any longer (but not bothering to ask me, of course!). Ugh.

So frustrated today!

My own two month challenge!

After several weeks of really not knowing how to get serious about my eating because of endless weeks of crazy commitments, work, and social happenings, i'm back and ready to go.

I am officially trying REALLY hard not to plan up my evenings, and instead penciling in time for workouts, meal planning, and mental health.

My goal is to lose 15 pounds before we go to Toronto on the 22nd of July. That's six weeks away. I sure hope I can do that. And I'd like to be 20 pounds down by mid-August. I'll be sure to update regularly, but I don't FEEL good these days. And I need to find more energy, fit into my clothes better and just generally feel better about myself.

Here's to yet one more try!

WOW!

I am back from one of the most fantastic experiences of my professional career in Omaha, and my wonderful, sweet and thoughtful husband took me to see Sex and the City, which he knew I wanted so badly to see.

What a rollercoaster. I LOVE LOVE LOVED this movie. I was still crying 20 minutes AFTER the movie ended. It's just really resonating with me.

What did everyone else think? I'm dying to dish, but I won't ruin it for anyone. I love those girls (and Jennifer Hudson, too!).