When I Feel Invisible

I don't mean for this to seem like a downer of a post - but it really might. I'm honestly just pretty angry.

Long backstory short (sorta): I had a friend in high school. My best friend. She was an exchange student from Indonesia. We don't talk anymore. She literally dropped off the face of the earth, stopped returning my calls, etc. We were friends as she moved to Honolulu, then to Pittsburgh, and right around the time I got married she stopped returning phone calls for no reason at all. Last I heard from her host family, she was in Texas somewhere, and wouldn't return their calls either. And I realize she wasn't really a friend. She was just always out for herself. It took me a long time to realize that, and not think it was something I did.

Anyway, she had a boyfriend in high school/early college. He and I became buddies too. She broke his heart, much like she broke mine, just after about 3 years, instead of 8. Well he's worked in restaurants in town for the last 5 or so years, and I've seen him out and he's been super weird with me, but we have talked in the past, though briefly.

Tonight I went for drinks at a swanky new(er) restaurant downtown with two girlfriends. And he totally ignored me. Pretended he didn't know me. I caught him looking at me more than 3 or 4 times, and he'd turn his head quickly. What's the deal?

Nothing inside of me could make myself walk up to that bar he was tending, or call out his name as he walked by to clear the table next to mine. Something in me just feels invisible when stuff like this happens, and I get so insecure about being "the fat girl."

I HATE it.

And I'm ANGRY. But not at myself - so that's real progress. I don't understand people who can pretend not to know someone they were friends with. And I know he was very hurt by my former friend, but that wasn't my fault. She hurt me, too.

Just...UGH!